Wednesday, 29th May

A mantra: I am giving up. I am giving up control. I am letting go.

Today, I woke up late and worked out. I haven’t exercised for a while. My body started to feel stiff. Why is it hard for me to stick with my routine these days? I wouldn’t blame the cosmos for sending me bad vibes because I have been out of sync lately. I don’t sleep at the right time and do not eat high vibrational foods. What can I expect? I miss pre-pandemic where I am at my most vibrant self. All I feel now is tension, from the sole of my foot to my shoulders.

I don’t know where to start again if I’m being honest. It felt like the natural wisdom that I have has left me. Cosmos, please can you be good to me again and let me know the way?

I did a reel today because I was feeling cute but after I posted it I felt so seen and then I archived it and then I put it back on my profile. There is something about posting on social media that makes me anxious. I guess I am afraid to be vulnerable. I am scared to be judged. Maybe I am not so secure in my self-confidence. However, after pondering, I believe it was not the above reasons. It was because sharing on social media eliminated the magic I felt at those precious moments. An energy leak and I want to protect it. I don’t know how to explain it simply. All I know is something good was taken from me. Maybe the sincerity. Maybe the state of pureness I want to preserve for myself. I felt like it was stolen. But it feels different with writing. Writing soothes me.